you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
