do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
