When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
