I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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