it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
