OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
