i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
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Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
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Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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