Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
