Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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