ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
