...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
