Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
