So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
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So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
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I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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