redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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