we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
