he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
