If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
