i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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