he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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