This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
