i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
