Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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