You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
