Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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