Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
