I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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