I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
COCAINE IS GR8
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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