i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
