he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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