sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
