She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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