As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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