I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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