These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
