What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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