I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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