Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
