I wanna bring you to show and tell
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
