today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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