So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
