Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
