he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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