I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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