How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
