Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
