lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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