This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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