No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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