I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
