I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
