My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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