so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize