my mouth tastes like poor choices
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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