epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
