I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I cut my penus on the lid.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
